The Nine in Europe: A Crackheaded Tale
by XXX Hard Core Fans
Summary: A Breegirls spinoff written by De & Jess! It's been a really long time, so how bout some new laughs? De, Jess, Kristin, and Ian are off in Europe for the summer, but when Merry & Pippin play with Gandalf's staff, they wind up there too. Hilarity ensues, o
1. Ch 1

~*~*A/N: Been a long time since I've done one of these, huh? :-) Enjoy. De's PoV.*~*~  
  
  
  
::::-1-:::::  
  
  
  
I pressed my hand on the horn in the center of the steering wheel of my red Jeep Wrangler. The loud honking sound filled the morning sky, and next to me, Jess covered her ears.  
  
"De, it's six thirty," she moaned, "I don't think the people in Kristin's neighborhood are going to appreciate this."  
  
"Well, our boat leaves in a half an hour," I said, slamming my hand on the horn again. "If Kris doesn't come out soon, I'm going to go in there and personally kill her."  
  
Suddenly, a tired, whining voice was heard from the upstairs window.  
  
"Stop honking your horn," Dylan, Kristin's brother, called out, in mid-yawn. "I'm trying to sleep."   
  
"You're probably interrupting his wet dreams about Gollum and Danny," Jess said with a giggle.  
  
"Probably," I said in agreement, as I blasted the horn again. From the back seat, Ian mumbled something incoherant, as he fell back asleep. He had pretty much passed out the moment I picked him up from his house.   
  
Kristin, Jess, Ian, and I were visiting Europe for the summer. We were going to spend the first few weeks in England, then Scottland, Ireland, Denmark, and France. Ian was trying to convince us to also visit New Zealand and Australia. We were planning on leaving that morning on a large cruise ship that would dock in Brighton, England, in a few days. That is, if Kristin ever got her butt out of her house.   
  
Just as I was about to lean out the window and start screaming obscenities, Kristin stumbled out of her front door, carrying a large suitcase awkwardly. I gave her a practiced "look" as she threw it in the trunk, and hopped in the car next to Ian.  
  
"Ready?" she asked breathlessly and bright-eyed.   
  
I rolled my eyes, and slammed my foot down on the gas. We were off.  
  
  
~*~*Meanwhile...in Middle-earth...*~*~  
  
  
"Will you tell us already?" Pippin begged of his friend and second cousin, Frodo Baggins.   
  
"Yes, please!" Merry chimed in.   
  
Frodo sighed in frustration.  
  
"Why can't you tell us what you got Gandalf for his birthday?" Sam wondered aloud. Frodo shot him a look.  
  
"It's a surprise!" he cried, throwing his hands in the air. "Besides, you'll find out soon enough. His birthday is tomorrow, you know."  
  
"I suppose we will have to wait," Pippin said reluctantly.  
  
"Aye, you will," Frodo said firmly, closing the discussion.  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
"Rise and shiiine!" Jess said with a giggle to Ian, as I opened the trunk to get our luggage out of the car.  
  
"Ughhh," he grumbled, sitting up to rub his eyes.  
  
"What did you pack in here?" I muttered as I pulled out Jess's suitcase. "Bowling balls? Rocks?"  
  
"Actually, they're bricks," Jess said with a kooky grin. "But good try."  
  
I laughed, pulling the last of our bags out. I closed the trunk, and locked all the doors.   
  
"Do you know what kind of car we're renting in England?" Ian asked, with a yawn.  
  
"No clue," I replied. "As long as it has wheels, I don't care."   
  
"Dude," Jess said, "...we're going to Europe!"  
  
I laughed, and headed towards the dock. It was going to be one hell of a time.  
  
  
~*~*A/N: Take it, Jess!!*~*~ 


	2. Ch 2

---A/N: How could I ever live up to that 1st chapter? Enjoy!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ch. 2  
  
The morning sun glared on the boat ahead of me as I got my bags from the back of De's Jeep and the four of us headed down the dock. I had 2 suitcases and a backpack.   
  
"I think I have everything..." I said to myself. "......Where are the tickets?!"  
  
De, Ian, and Kristin all stopped in the middle of the dock. "I thought..you had them...Jess." said Kristin, with a blank face.   
  
I couldn't help but start to laugh. "I had to say that, once in my life."   
  
"That wasn't funny! You almost gave me a heart attack!" said De, proceeding toward the boat. It was worth a try.  
  
I handed out the four tickets and we loaded the boat. Kristin, De, and I shared one room, while Ian was next to us in an adjoined room. Technically, he could have shared a room, but after all there are three of us girls, to one guy. We walked up a small flight of stairs to the section of rooms in the one-hundreds.  
  
"Here it is, rooms 134 and 135." Said Kristin, opening the door.  
  
"TOP BUNK!" I yelled tossing my pillow onto one, of the two bunk beds in the room.   
  
"I get the other!" said Kristin, right after me.  
  
I looked back at De, whom didn't look happy herself, as she made her way to the bed under Kristin. "Since we'll be here a few days, maybe I'll switch with you once or twice." I offered, hoping she'd decline.   
  
"I'll take you up on that, Jess." said De, with a little smirk.  
  
I piled my suitcases on the bottom bunk and popped them open. I replaced my pillow, along with a stuffed animal bear, slippers, and PJs.  
  
"A bear, Jess?" said Kristin, with a small giggle.  
  
"Oh...em, he goes everywhere with me!" I explained. "...He's been to Maine, North Carolina, NYC......." when I was cut off by a random outburst sounding like it came from next door.   
  
"NO VCR!?!? HOW IS A MAN SUPPOSED TO KEEP ENTERTAINED IN THIS PLACE?"   
  
"Ian...." all three of us said, looking in the direction of his room.   
  
~~~In Middle-Earth~~~  
  
"Come on, Pippin!" loudly whispered Merry, tugging on Pippin's hair.   
  
They eyed Gandalf's new staff leaning against the wall in the hallway of Bag End. Frodo, Sam, Aragorn, and the crew were talking outside on the lawn. They snuck through the window and crept toward it.   
  
"This thing is taller than us!" stated Pippin. "How'r'we supposed to get it back out the window without them seein'?  
  
"If they're distracted by one of us, they won't be able to see. I'll go, and you take the staff and I'll meet you by the bridge." said Merry, making his way back out the window.   
  
"WAIT! Merry, let me distract 'em!" said Pippin, running toward the window with Gandalf's staff. UMPH! Pippin ran right into the window with Merry and right out went the staff. SNAP................  
  
"PIPPIN!!" exclaimed Merry. "Look what you....." He stopped to see 7 pairs of eyes staring down at him and Pippin. ".....did."  
  
"Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took...I should have known." said Gandalf, picking up the broken pieces of his new staff, lying in the middle of hallway.  
  
"So...where'r'we anyways?"   
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
---A/N: Oooooh, what next? 


	3. Ch 3

~*~*A/N: I feeeel good, na-na-na-na-na-na-na. I knew that I wouuulllddd. LoL. Yeah. Anyway...  
  
  
:::::-3-::::::  
  
  
"I'm hungry," I said, bouncing on the bottom bunk underneath Kristin's bed.  
  
"So let's have dinner," Jess suggested. "There's some really fancy restaurants on this ship."  
  
"Great," Kristin said, rolling her eyes. "Fancy equals expensive, you know."  
  
"Says the girl with her mother's charge card," I reminded her. "What do you care about the money?"  
  
"Mmmmm, spaghetti and meatballs," Jess said, rubbing her stomach. She giggled. "Come on, guys. Let's go."   
  
I hopped off of the bed, and skipped over to the mirror to fix my half-fallen ponytail. Kristin wandered over to the adjoining room to call for Ian. She poked her head in the door. Ian was sitting on his bed, head in his hands.  
  
"No VCR," he muttered. "No DVD player."  
  
"Come on," Kristin said, grinning back at Jess and me. "We want to eat dinner."  
  
"Three whole days without Lord of the Rings," Ian continued to himself, as if Kristin hadn't even spoken. "What am I going to do?"  
  
"Let's go!" Kristin urged. "De's hungry. And you know how De gets when she's hungry and you deprive her of her food."  
  
"I might die," Ian continued, his head snapping up with this revelation. "Dear God, what if I die?! Without my daily viewing of the brave quest for freedom of Middle-earth, and that beautiful, tantalizing elf princess-"  
  
"Woah, hold it right there," Jess called from our room. "Are you talking about Arwench? Because, dear Ian, please keep in mind that it is illegal to speak of Arwench in that type of manner while in our presence. It's just not kosher."   
  
"What on earth am I going to do?" Ian asked again, sounding lost.  
  
Kristin rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm. "Come with us, Ian. It's for your own good."   
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"PIPPIN!!!!" Frodo exclaimed, his blue eyes flashing. "What did I tell you?!"   
  
"Acutally, you never said anything about touching the staff," Pippin said philisophically. "You just said that you weren't going to tell me what you got Gandalf for his birthday."  
  
"Because it was going to be a SURPRISE," Frodo cried, throwing his hands in the air.   
  
"Will you two stop arguing?" Aragorn cut in, as he stood. "We don't know where we are. This could be dangerous. It doesn't matter what happened back at Bag End, or whose fault it was-"  
  
"Even though it was CLEARLY Pippin's fault," Frodo interrupted.  
  
"WHAT MATTERS IS," Aragorn started loudly, "that we all stay together and try not to create any further trouble for ourselves."  
  
"Aragorn is right," Gandalf said. "Stay here. I'm going to have a look around."   
  
With a worried glance to the Fellowship, Gandalf peered up and down the empty hallway, before proceeding to walk towards a door at one end. Suddenly, the room lurched forward, and the nine fell in a heap on the floor.   
  
"We seem to be moving!" Legolas exclaimed. Gandalf opened the door at the end of the hallway and peeked inside. There were rows of plush leather seats, where people sat, reading, eating, or talking amongst themselves. All of the people in the room were dressed extremely nicely: the women in jewels, and the men in crisp black suits. Gandalf quickly shut the door, and turned back to his eight bewildered companions. Before he could say a word, the door at the other end of the hallway opened, and a man pushing a silver tray walked in. When he saw the Fellowship, he did a double-take, and nearly fell over himself.  
  
"Pardon me," Aragorn said, before he could call security. "But do you know where we are? I think we have come here by mistake."  
  
"You are in France. This train is headed for Liverpool, England. We should be reaching there in a few days. Now, if you would kindly take your seats."  
  
"Where are the seats?" asked Merry, furrowing his brow.  
  
"Let me see your tickets," the man said, regarding the Fellowship closely.  
  
Aragorn, who was growing more and more comfortable with this strange land, being as he'd visited many times, answered for them.  
  
"I'm afraid we've lost our tickets," Aragorn said. "That's why we're in this hallway. We were looking for some sort of manager to situate us."  
  
"I see," said the man. "It just so happens that the car behind me is empty. I'm sure you were supposed to be seated. Right this way."   
  
The nine looked at each other, and sighed, following the man to the empty train car. It was sure to be another experience.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"How long do you think he'll stay like this?" I whispered to Jess and Kristin, with a quick glance to Ian, who was slumped over the dinner table, his head resting in his palm.   
  
"I don't know," Kristin whispered back. "But I sure am hungry."  
  
"Let's order then," I said, nodding to the waiter who was walking past.  
  
"After dinner, let's go dancing!" Jess suggested enthusiastically.  
  
"And drinking!" Kristin added with a giggle.  
  
"Here's to getting piss drunk!" I laughed, raising my glass of diet pepsi.  
  
"Aye, aye!" Jess and Kristin chimed in, clinking their glasses against mine.  
  
"Pints?" Ian mumbled, before dropping his head against the table with a clatter.  
  
  
~*~*A/N: And I'll leave it off there. Hehe.*~*~ 


	4. Ch 4

Ch. 4  
  
A/N: That's some great stuff. "Ain't worth the pain of tryin to hold you, your like barbed wire...barbed wire and roses." There's the next chapter. Jess' PoV.  
  
  
"I'd like to have the Chicken Madison with a side of garlic bread and ranch dressing on the salad." said Kristin, handing the menu to the waitress.   
  
"Can I have theeee....meatloaf with mashes potatoes and gravy?" said De.  
  
"And can I have the spaghetti and meatballs. Angel-hair pasta, with marinara sauce. Oh, and do you put chives, onions or pieces of celery in your meatballs or pasta?" I said, looking at the waitress.  
  
"No ma'am, we don't."   
  
"Oh! Good. Well, I'll have a side of garlic bread, go slight on the garlic especially if it's garl......"  
  
"Jess, stop." said De, looking annoyed along with our waitress.  
  
"Hmph. Ok, then I'll have a water with no lemon." I said. "A young woman must eat properly. Well, then. Ian, what are you going to have?"  
  
"A cheeseburger." signed Ian, still feeling sorry for himself. "I'm going to the restroom. I'll be back."  
  
We looked at Ian rise from the table and walk towards the men's restroom as the waitress collected our menus and walked away.   
  
About twenty minutes later, our food arrived, and yet something was missing.  
  
"Didn't you hear I said NO LEMON!?" I said tossing the lemon at the waitress. "Didn't you...Kris? De? I---- where's Ian?"  
  
We scanned the restaurant, and Ian was no where to be....  
  
"OHMIGOSH." said De, pointing at the bar. There sat Ian, chugging it down, and laughing away with some chick who had curly, brunette hair and was wearing  
  
"A yellow rubber duck bikini!?" exclaimed Kristin.  
  
The three of us sighed simultaneously. "It's gunna be a looooong night."  
  
--Meanwhile...--  
  
"Hey! This is the same type of object Lady De had in her house." said Aragorn, poking at the television screen. *zzzing*   
  
[And on today's movies, the Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers premiere preview is showing all over tele...] WHACK. ZZZT.  
  
"What did you do that for!?" exclaimed Aragorn, looking at Gimli whose ax was sticking straight out of the television.   
  
"I've never seen such an absurd thing!" Gimli tried to explain.   
  
"But there was no need to smash it!!" fought back Aragorn.  
  
"It was making such a racket!"   
  
"All the rooms in this...thing have them. Along with Lady De's home and Lady Jess'."  
  
"Um...Aragorn?"  
  
"But *I* didn't like it!"  
  
"None of us care, Gimli! *We* wanted it!"  
  
"Aragorn?"  
  
"So it's true, none of you care about me!?"  
  
"No, no, no, that's not what I meant!"   
  
"I think it was!"  
  
"ARAGORN!!!"   
  
"What is it, Legolas?"   
  
"Where's Gandalf?"  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"THE LOVE SHACK IS A LITTLE OLD PLACE WHERE...."  
  
"Weeee can get togetherrrrr.....Love Shack baaayybeee."  
  
"Hey, Jess! Grab me another drink will ya?" said De, dancing.   
  
"OOOOOoooh, me too!" joined in Kristin.  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"YES!!" both of them said. I made a face and turned back to the bar. It was a real nice dance hall, actually. A DJ in the front taking requests, multi-colored lights everywhere. And in the back, a bunch of booths and the bar.   
  
"What can I get you, Miss?" asked the bartender.  
  
"Just a, ehm, well, 2 pina coladas." I said...but man, was he cute. Longish, dark brown hair, a few inches taller than me, not exactly clean-shaved. De would like him, but....naw, I saw him first.   
  
"So, do you work here regularly?" I asked.  
  
"Just during the summer. It gets old after a while. I mean, no friends around, just the regular workers."  
  
I paused for a second, about what to say. He went back to making the drinks. I turned around to see De and Kris dancing away with 2 guys.   
  
"Oh man..." I laughed, accidentally saying it a loud.  
  
"What's up?"  
  
"My two friends over there and dancing away with some guys. Earlier today, the last member of our crew disappeared with some lady at a restaurant."   
  
"And what about you?"   
  
"Oh, um. Nothing...or no one, I suppose." I said. He smiled as he grabbed the two drinks and handed them to me.  
  
"Thanks." I said, getting ready to walk away when I thought twice. "Hey, did you want to get together sometime? Well, since it's only a three day cruise...like tomorrow?"  
  
"Sure! I mean, definitely. My name is James."  
  
"Me llamo, Jess." I giggled, how could I help it?   
  
"Mucho gusto." He smiled. Ahhhh! He knows Spanish too!  
  
"Hasta manana!" I said, as I turned around to give the drinks to Kristin and De.  
  
"What took ya so long?" asked De.  
  
"Him." I smirked, pointing at the bar.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I'm sorry, sir, but there are no hats on the train!" said a Englishman, with a red vest on.  
  
"What do you mean 'no hats'?" demanded Gandalf.  
  
"You know exactly, sir. Take off your hat until we unboard the train, or at least while walking in the hallways."   
  
"But I'm only searching for two missing members of my group... Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took." said Gandalf.  
  
"What do they look like, sir?"  
  
"Blonde, curly hair, about this tall...." explained Gandalf.  
  
"So, you lost your grandkids? About 6-7 years old?" asked the Englishman.  
  
"No, they're about 30. And there is no way they are my grandchildren!"   
  
The Englishman gave Gandalf an odd look. ".....Right, sir, continue to search for Mr. Took and Mr. Brandybuck, but please, take off your hat until you get back into your room!"   
  
*Hmph* growled Gandalf. Stomping away from the insensible guard.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: Migosh, I'm going to die now. Take it, De! 


	5. Ch 5

~*~*A/N: Great work, Jess! Hehe. De's PoV.*~*~  
  
  
::::::-5-:::::::  
  
  
I downed the pina colada that Jess handed me and then regarded her closely with my wide, drunken expression.  
  
"What took you so long?" I wondered.  
  
"Him," Jess said, pointing in the direction of the bartender. I glanced over. Hmm...dark hair, unshaven, kinda dirty. Nice.  
  
"Don't even think about it," Jess warned, reading my thoughts. "This one is mine."  
  
"Okay," I said, placing my empty glass down on a nearby table. Kristin stumbled up then, her green eyes glazed over a bit.  
  
"Hey guys," she slurred. "Do you see that guy I was just dancing with? Total fox!"  
  
"Yeah, well, he could have been the ugliest guy on earth just as easily and you wouldn't have noticed," Jess joked, rolling her eyes. "You're so wasted that even Saruman would look hot to you."  
  
"No one could ever get *that* wasted," I laughed. "They'd die first from alcohol poisoning."   
  
Just then, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" blared through the speakers.  
  
"Oooh, let's dance," I exclaimed, pulling my friends towards the dance floor. "How much is *this* our theme song?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Where have you been?" Aragorn asked as Gandalf entered the train car.  
  
"Looking for Merry and Pippin," replied the wizard. "Do you know where they've gone?"  
  
"Now that you mention it," Legolas said, "it *is* more quiet in here than usual."  
  
"You mean to say that you didn't notice their absence?" Gandalf asked in surprise.  
  
"I did," Frodo put in. "But I didn't care. It's their fault that we're in this mess to begin with."  
  
"Do you know where they went off to?" Gandalf questioned.  
  
"That way," Frodo replied, pointing behind him, to the door opposite the one Gandalf had just come through. He sighed, and headed for the door, prepared to catch Merry and Pippin in the process of creating more trouble - as usual.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Ughhhh," I moaned as I pushed my way into my room.  
  
"I second that," Kristin muttered, stumbling in behind me. "Where's Jess again?"  
  
"She's off with that bartender. The dirty one with the longish hair."  
  
"Hmmm," Kristin murmered, climbing up to the top bunk. "Probably having sex."  
  
"Probably," I agreed, flopping face down on the bottom bunk.  
  
"I'm sure we'll get details tomorrow," Kristin muttered after a moment.  
  
"Yeah," I replied, barely hearing her. Too much alcohol = De passes out.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Pippin giggled to himself as he knelt behind one of the seats. Merry was across the aisle.  
  
"Shhh," Merry hissed. "Quiet."  
  
"Sorry," Pippin whispered back.  
  
There were two sleeping people in the train car, and one cart containing peanuts, white wine, and carrots. The cart was the object of the hobbits' attention.  
  
"Here's what we're going to do," Merry instructed. "I'll tiptoe quietly over to the cart, grab the carrots, and then bring them back."   
  
"Check to see if there's any ale," Pippin reminded him in a hushed tone.  
  
"I will," Merry promised. "And what are you going to do?"  
  
"Stay here," Pippin replied dutifully.  
  
"Right," Merry confirmed. With that, he snuck towards the cart. Pippin watched, wide-eyed, as Merry reached under the cloth and pulled out a handful of carrots. He quickly stuffed them in his pockets and crawled back towards Pippin. Suddenly, the door opened, and a very annoyed-looking Gandalf walked in.  
  
"Uh-oh," Pippin muttered.  
  
"It was his idea!" both Merry and Pippin said simultaneously, each pointing to the other.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Ian strolled through the corridors of the ship, looking pleased with himself. He passed a mirror and felt compelled to say aloud: "You the man!"  
  
On his way back to the room, he passed Jess, hand-in-hand with a rugged looking guy.  
  
"Hmmm," Ian pondered. "Guess I'm not the only one getting laid tonight."  
  
He walked into his room and poked his head into the adjoining chamber. Ian chuckled to himself upon seeing the passed out forms of me & Kristin.  
  
"Silly drunks," he said, closing the door behind him.  
  
  
~*~*A/N: *Tags Jess* You're it!*~*~ 


	6. Ch 6

Ch. 6  
  
A/N: Pure hilarity. Jess' PoV.  
  
"What a night!" sighed De.   
  
The three of us lounged, basking in the sun on the deck of the boat. The shore of England slowly growing near.   
  
"Where's Ian?" asked Kristin. "I haven't seen much of him."  
  
"I don't think any of us have. Maybe off with some more bar chicks." giggled De. "So, what are we all doing tonight? Separate ways or what? Jess? Kristin?"  
  
"I might go ask James for his number...or e-mail...or something, but probably tomorrow. Otherwise, nada." I said. "What about you guys?"  
  
Both De and Kristin looked at each other, smiled, and started laughing hysterically.  
  
"Oh uh...." I said, giving a concerned look.  
  
"Come here." De gestured.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"When are we off this bedeviled train?!" shouted Boromir, on the brink of cracking.   
  
"It's not like I can wave a magic wand and get us....." started Gandalf, when suddenly he went flying to the other side of the car.   
  
"Woah....."  
  
"Gandalf, I'm impressed." said Aragorn with a smile, opening the door to the car and walking to the nearest exit.  
  
[A/N: YES! I know train's don't stop that suddenly, period. Considering I was just recently on one. But hey, it's a fanfiction. Oh, and yes, I just stole half those lines from Final Fantasy.]  
  
Out of the train went the fellowship, followed by a ......crowd of....people (A/N: Thanks to De for the suggestion, lmao. Or "monkey of Dublin" thanks to Kristin. Or a "shitload of dimes" thanks to Ian.)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kristin, De, and I approached the information desk on the main floor of the boat.  
  
"You have an on-boat theatre, right?" I asked.  
  
"Yes." said the lady.  
  
"Would you be willing to rent it out for the night?" asked De.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"The last member of our little group is...er, was down in the dumps. And we wanted to cheer him up with a little surprise. Whaddya think? $100?" Kristin said.  
  
"I'd have to ask the manager." she said. "But I'm sure you could."  
  
She walked away from the desk and we all looked at each other. "YES!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"It that what we were on?" asked Sam. "It goes on forever."   
  
"Not forever, but where are we?" said Gimli.   
  
Gandalf walked over to a man, dressed like the one who hassled him about his hat.  
  
"Where are we?" asked Gandalf.  
  
"Manchester, England, sir."   
  
Gandalf was about to ask where England is when he heard a sudden scream. The fellowship was gathered around, Legolas had his bow in hand.  
  
Gandalf made his way and peered over the hobbits. There slumped in the middle with a white bird with an arrow stuck in it.   
  
"Why did you shoot that bird, Legolas?" asked Gandalf.  
  
"It was swooping down towards us and making the most dreadful noise!"   
  
Gandalf sighed as he went into an open building labeled "RESTROOMS", followed by Aragorn and Legolas, who was still holding his bow. (A/N: Don't ask how Legolas is allowed to have a bow on the train. Especially how he got off with it.)  
  
"How are we supposed to get back home?" asked Aragorn.  
  
"I have a very huge hunch that yet again we have wound up in Lady De, Kristin, and Jess' world." said Gandalf. "We can only hope we'll meet up with someone familiar. Yet, I don't remember any of them mentioned a place called 'England'."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
A/N: Sorry it took a few days for this chapter. Freakishly, I was busy. But I hoped you enjoyed. Take it, De! 


	7. Ch 7

~*~*A/N: Hahaha. Great stuff. De's PoV now.*~*~  
  
  
  
-----:7:------  
  
  
  
"Oh, Ian?" we called, knocking on his door.   
  
"Go away," came his muffled response.  
  
I rolled my eyes and pushed open the door anyway. He was laying on his back on the bed, staring at the ceiling morosely.  
  
"I *thought* I said 'go away'," he said sarcastically. "Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I said 'come on in', but it sure as hell didn't sound like it."  
  
"We have a surprise for you," Kristin said, grinning.  
  
"I don't want anymore sex," Ian replied. "Or strippers. They can't cure me of my Lord of the Rings withdrawl."   
  
"Just get up!" Jess cried, grabbing his hand, and hauling him to his feet. I giggled, tying a bandana around his eyes, blindfolding him.  
  
"Oh, man," Ian grinned, "kinky."  
  
All three of us rolled our eyes, and lead him out the door and down the hall.  
  
"Keep your pants on," Kristin said. "You'll see what we're going to do."  
  
~*~  
  
"Well?" Frodo asked, looking around the train station. "What now?"  
  
"Let us journey," Gandalf suggested. The Fellowship nodded their agreement, and they began to walk along the road, gazing at their surroundings in wonder.  
  
"I hope we see the girls again," Pippin said with a grin.  
  
"Of course," Merry replied, rolling his eyes. "You just want...sex," he finished with a whisper on the last word.  
  
"No I don't," Pippin argued, but his blush gave him away.  
  
~*~  
  
We entered the theatre, looking around at the small bar and sofas. I giggled, pushing Ian down on one of the couches in front of the large screen.  
  
"Be gentle with me, ladies," Ian said, still thinking we wanted to bang him. Hah. Please. Only in his dreams. :-P   
  
I handed Kristin the "Fellowship..." DvD, which she quickly popped into the player. The music for the opening scene came on, and we watched Ian's face as he began to understand.  
  
"Holy shit! Is that Lord of the Rings I'm hearing? Take this fucking blindfold off NOW!"  
  
"How bout a 'please'?" Jess teased.  
  
"No way," Ian replied. "This is Lord of the Rings we're talking about here. There's no time for manners! Get this thing off of me!"  
  
We laughed and untied his blindfold. A grin broke out on his face as he saw the screen.  
  
"Now," he grinned, "this is what I call a vacation."  
  
  
~*~*A/N: Rock on.*~*~ 


	8. Ch 8

Chapter 8.   
  
(A/N: Sha la la la la la la la la la la la!) Oh. This is the all great and powerful Oz's...er, Jess' Point of View!!  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
"Let's hunt some orc!" said Ian, simultaneously with Aragorn. Alas, it was nearing the end of the movie...but just because it's late doesn't mean our fun has to end!...  
  
"Anyone care for a drink?...Pina Colada? Strawberry Daiquiri? Vod---" I paused as I picked up another bottle. "Why the hell would they serve free vodka here?"  
  
"Technically, Jess, we rented this out even though it's not supposed to." said Kristin.  
  
"Oh. Duh. Fine." I said. "Anyways, what does everyone want?"   
  
Kristin and De ordered a Bloody Mary. Ian a whiskey, and I served myself a pina colada.  
  
"I think I played bartender quite well!" I laughed.  
  
"...Considering the fact they had everything there. Even the little tropical umbrellas!" said De.   
  
Kristin walked over to the buffet on the other side of the bar. "This looks like the buffet table in Jurassic Park!" We all started to laugh and walked over.   
  
"I wonder if they made this stuff fresh or us, or it's always here." said De.  
  
"Ew, what if it's old? Or MOLDY? Or...or...NOT FRESH!" I said. (A/N: I originally was typing De for that line, but I couldn't resist.)  
  
"Not worth complaining over, unless we try it!" said Ian, grabbing a plate and shoveling potatoes on his plate.  
  
Food frenzy!  
  
------------------- The Fellowship ------------------   
  
SSSCCCREEECCCHHHHHH!!!  
  
A station wagon did a 360 on the highway next to the 9 people, well, the 2 humans, 1 dwarf, 4 hobbits, and Elf, and a wizard.   
  
"Where are you all headed?" asked a man in sunglasses and straggly blonde hair, with a familiar accent.   
  
"Any idea where Middle-Earth is?" said Gandalf, absolutely sarcastically.   
  
"Hey! That's that place in that movie, Lord of the Rings!" he said.  
  
The Fellowship gave him a blank look. They could tell he was truthfully young.  
  
"And your that awesome archer!" he said, pointing to Legolas. "So, want a ride? I'm headed to Liverpool. About 5 hours."  
  
All nine of them got in the car, Gandalf in the front; Aragorn, Legolas, Boromir, Merry & Pippin in the back and Gimli, Frodo & Sam in the way back. Thank god it was a station wagon.   
  
  
---------------- Meanwhile on the cruise: the last day ---------------  
  
  
  
[Liverpool, England. Arrival time: June 8th. 4:23 PM.]  
  
"Wow. We're almost there!" I exclaimed, looking over the edge of the stern of the boat.  
  
"Man, those three days went by fast." said De.  
  
"Like they say, time flys when your having fun." said Kristin.  
  
"....We get it..." said Ian.  
  
We all nodded and laughed and decided to head down to the small Chinese restaurant on board for lunch. We decked it out with fried rice, white rice, sweet and sour chicken, vegetables, sushi, egg rolls, won ton soup, shrimp chips, and last but not least, fortune cookies.  
  
"A promotion is seen in your near future." I read mine aloud. "How stupid."  
  
"9 is your lucky number this week. Keep it at the surface." said De, reading hers.  
  
"Luck in on your side this week. Or is it?" said Kristin. "Honestly...."  
  
Ian cracked open his and read it a loud as we munched on our 'cookies'. "Bad luck and misfortune will possess your pathetic soul for all eternity..........." (A/N: Thanks to Rocko's Modern Life for forever humoring me with sadistic-like humor. Oh, and I just *had* to use it.)  
  
"WHAT?" We all said spontaneously.   
  
"Look!"   
  
It *really* did say that.   
  
"Thank goodness these things are fake. I mean, come on. A fortune inside a cookie. Anyone could have gotten it!" said Kristin, reassuringly.  
  
"But the point is, *I*, me, the man, Ian, got the fortune!"   
  
We all sat a looked around for a few minutes.  
  
"It *was* from a cartoon....." I said, as Ian throw an egg roll piece at me. "Jeez, just joking here. "  
  
We asked for the bill and headed out. We walked around the boat deck and saw the England shore right ahead. Mist covered the shore, but we could see mammoth buildings and jagged hills right above.   
  
  
  
-------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
"There we are. The corner of East Main and 14th. Here's my house address and phone number in case your lost. Which seems like 7 out of the 9 of you will be." said the blonde guy, handing Legolas a sheet of paper and closing the door.   
  
"Cheerio!" said the guy as he drove away. There were left the fellowship, stiff, tired and bored out of their minds.  
  
"That vehicle can easily be compared to Mordor!" said Boromir.   
  
They all streched as the hussel and bustle of English men and women passed them up.   
  
"What now?"  
  
  
(A/N: Take it, De!) 


	9. Ch 9

~*~*A/N: *Does the Frodo dance* Good work, Jess! De's PoV.*~*~  
  
  
  
----::9::----  
AkA...The holy chapter. Just because it's "9".  
  
  
  
"Attention passengers!"  
  
"We're here!" Jess squealed as the captain's voice blared over the loudspeakers.   
  
"This is your Captain Rolland speaking," he continued. "We are planning to dock at the Brodderick Port in England in the next ten minutes. Please collect your belongings and prepare for departure. Thank you for a safe and pleasant trip."  
  
"Come on," Kristin said, waving our room key in the air. "Let's go grab our bags."  
  
~*~  
  
"Look," Legolas said, pointing. "The Riviera. That building looks quite nice."  
  
The Fellowship had been walking for a few minutes in silence before Legolas spoke.  
  
"It looks like a place where we can rest," Gandalf speculated.   
  
"Let us go inside and see," Gimli suggested. "I, for one, am exhausted."  
  
The others nodded their agreement, and they walked up the fancy stone path. Aragorn pulled open the double-glass doors, Golden-Hall-style, and walked in, ahead of everyone else. (A/N: *Swoon*)  
  
"Welcome to The Riviera," said a woman with a kind smile behind the front desk. "May I help you?"  
  
"We'd like to stay here," Aragorn said, glancing around at the large lobby, with its colorful paintings, velvet couches, and bubbling fountains.  
  
The woman typed something into her computer and glanced up again.  
  
"There are a few suites available," she said.   
  
"Would a suite accomodate us all?" Boromir asked, raising his eyebrows.  
  
"No, I'm afraid not," she admitted. "You would have to purchase a few suites. They only fit 6 people."   
  
"I don't believe we have the money for that," Legolas said.   
  
"How many pounds do you have with you today?" the woman asked patiently.  
  
The Fellowship looked at each other in wonder. Pounds? What on Middle-earth was she talking about?  
  
Frodo reached into his pockets and dropped a few gold coins on the counter. The others followed suit. The woman behind the desk stared at the coins, blinking.  
  
"I'm sorry," she said, lifting one for inspection, "but these coins will barely buy you a piece of stake in this hotel. You'd be better off somewhere else."  
  
"These coins are very valuable," Gandalf argued, gesturing to the gold.   
  
"Not here, they aren't."  
  
The Fellowship shared another look, before all talking at once.  
  
"This is an outrage."  
  
"I want to go to sleep!"  
  
"Please just give us a room."  
  
"What do you mean that our gold isn't valuable?"  
  
The woman just stared at them blankly in response.  
  
~*~  
  
"Where to?" asked the taxi driver as we all piled into the backseat after stuffing our bags in the trunk.  
  
"The Riviera," Ian replied, reaching for his seat belt, and accidentally grabbing Jess's upper thigh.  
  
"Hey!" she snapped. "Hands off."  
  
"Sorry..." Ian grinned sheepishly as the cab sped away.  
  
~*~  
  
"Wow," Kristin breathed as we stood outside The Riviera a few minutes later. It was a huge building, with glass doors, grand windows, and a beautiful fountain out front. We walked up the stone path and entered the lobby, dragging our luggage behind us.   
  
Ian saw them first.  
  
"Holy crocodiles!"  
  
"Hey...it's...the Fellowship!" Jess classically exclaimed.  
  
"Eeeee!" Kristin squealed, rushing over to Pippin. "My little hobbit!"  
  
"And I thought it couldn't get any better!" I cried, running to Aragorn.  
  
"I guess it does!" Jess replied enthusiastically, leaping for Legolas. (A/N: Oooh...alliteration.)  
  
I turned, to see the hobbits and Gandalf arguing with the woman behind the desk.   
  
"I'm sorry," she was saying, "but if you cannot pay, I can't give you a room."  
  
"What seems to be the problem here?" Ian asked, talking to Gandalf. The wizard quickly explained the situation. I glanced at Kristin, and shrugged.  
  
"No biggie," I replied. "Let's just get a few extra suites and have the Fellowship stay with us."  
  
Jess grinned, as did Kris.  
  
"Great idea."  
  
  
  
~*~*A/N: *Tags Jess* Your turn!!*~*~ 


	10. Ch 10

Chapter 10. The only chapter with a title: "And then there were 9."  
  
(A/N: No comment on this chapter) Oh, Your favorite. Jess' PoV.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves....me....not.....? WHAT THE HELL! Piece of trash." I said as I tossed the yellow daisy on the ground. I walked off the balcony and back into the room where Kristin, De, Aragorn, Merry, Pippin, Legolas, and Ian sat.   
  
"What shall we do today?" I asked them, for it was the second day since our arrival. For we had many days ahead of us.  
  
"How about a tour of Liverpool?" suggested Kristin.  
  
"Excellent!" said Ian.  
  
"Let's go gather everyone and call some places." said De, as she opened the night stand drawer, pulled out the phone book and started dialing.   
  
"Hi, how much are your tours?" "How many people? 9." "$1,200!!!! What?" "Fine, fine, fine." "A limousine then." "Thank you!" that's all we heard from De as she dealt with the tour plans.  
  
"Okay guys, we're lined up for a 1:25 PM, 3 hour tour of Liverpool, in a limo at the cost of $200 plus." explained De.   
  
"Rock on!" said Kristin. "It's...What? 11:45 now and we still need to eat lunch, er...breakfast. Where next?"  
  
"From what the lady said...and the address in the book. Her tour agency is 7 minutes away from here. So someplace close so we have time." said De.  
  
"Nifty." I said, reaching for the England Travel Guide a brought along with us. Maps, hotels, inns, restaurants, gas stations, the works. All for the handy price of $8.99! Available at all Borders Bookstores and Music near you.  
  
"Hmm....Anabelle's? No, too expensive. Angoras? No...too...just no. Applebees? They have those here? What a waste, no. Perfect! Aythas Diner, rated 1 dollar sign ($) on 14th street." I said. (A/N: If you've ever seen one of those guides of any place, actually they might even be maps too, they have $ rating signs. $ cheap, $$ pricey, $$$+ for expensive.)  
  
----------------------------------------------------  
  
Not only was it hard enough getting the waiters and waitresses to find us multiple tables to combine to fit 13 people, but organizing everyone, ordering drinks and food, the price, tipping the poor waiters (well, haha), and getting everyone out in a decent amount of time is an absolutely different and much longer story.  
  
After we left the diner, leaving a generous tip of $50, we walked a couple of blocks to the tour agency. How funny would it be to see 13 people, 5 under-sized, walking down an England street in the beginning of the afternoon? Quite.  
  
I couldn't imagine that a tour of Liverpool could last three hours. Yet again, we might be going on the outskirts or stopping a few places. We walked up to the counter, checked in, paid our "dues" and headed out to the back where there stood a pure Englishman in one of those "I'm-definitely-*NOT*-a-chauffeur" outfits. *cough*. We piled into the limo. It was one of those extremely fancy long ones that all the seats were in a circle facing the middle. There were two televisions, a DVD/VRC player, a huge skylight, and how could you forget, a mini bar for those hard-up for one.   
  
We toured the streets, nooks and crannies of Liverpool. The driver showing us famous buildings, historical sites, and so on. We toured the rocky coast and then headed for the outskirts. Rivers, rolling hills and green fields.  
  
"This reminds me of the Shire!" shouted Frodo, pointing and looking everywhere at the scenery. (A/N: You *SO* knew that one was coming.)  
  
"All your missing is hobbit holes!" I joked.   
  
We proceeded on, half looking at the scenery, but mostly chatting away having a good ole time. You would think a group of people would get sick of each other and tired of their old stories, especially from extraordinarily different worlds, but I suppose we're lucky. (A/N: Ha, lucky in the fanfiction worlds).   
  
Alas, the tour ended right back at the hotel, were he dropped us off, we tipped him a generous amount and we headed back in for our last night in Liverpool. For tomorrow, we were headed by train to London at 7:34 AM. We all separated into our 4 different rooms. De, Kristin, and I in one. Ian, Legolas, Gimli, and Boromir in another. Gandalf, Frodo, and Sam in another and last; Aragorn, Merry and Pippin in the last. We all said our goodnights (hehe) and were off to bed.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------  
  
(A/N: crappy chapter, yes, I know. Lots of paragraphs, not much conversation. I'm quite peeved right now, or would vexed be the correct word. None the less. On to De!!) 


	11. Ch 11

~*~*A/N: Go, go Power Rangers!!! *Looks around* Who said that? Oh. Hehe. De's PoV!*~*~  
  
  
  
---:11:---  
  
  
  
"Rise and shiiiine!" Jess called, flinging back my covers.  
  
"Unnghhh," I moaned, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. I *so* did not want to wake up.  
  
"We have a train to catch in thirty minutes," Jess said, already dressed, with her hair perfected. Even Kristin was standing around, wearing a towel, with her hair wet, but awake nonetheless.  
  
"Come on, sleepyhead," Kristin said, giggling. "Go take a shower."  
  
"She's not the one that needs a shower," Jess said, with a glance in Aragorn's direction. The door to the adjoining suites were open, and I could see the Fellowship talking amongst themselves in the next room.  
  
"You're lucky that De's half asleep," Kristin said, walking over to her suitcase, "because she'd smack you for that one otherwise."  
  
I grumbled, hearing both of them, and pulled myself out of bed. Oh the joys of getting up at the crack of dawn.  
  
~*~  
  
We were on our way to the train station in no time flat. The Fellowship had a hard time getting through the metal detectors, but after some work, we managed to get them onto the train. We were headed for London, where we were planning on staying with Ian's Aunt Yolanda. She didn't know about the Fellowship, though, and I was hoping that she wouldn't mind. Ian assured us that Yolanda's house was big enough for two men, an elf, a dwarf, a wizard, and four hobbits. I, however, had my doubts.  
  
"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen," came the very British voice of the conducter over the loudspeaker. "We are departing from Track 39 now, and we are expected to arrive in London in a few hours. Thank you for travelling with us, and enjoy your ride."   
  
Kristin, Jess, Ian, and I were sharing a private car with the Fellowship. There was a silver cart with champagne and an asssortment of foods in the middle of the aisle.   
  
"This...is the life," Jess said, reaching over Gimli to grab a few grapes from a bowl of fruit in the cart.  
  
"Aye, aye," Kristin said with a laugh.   
  
"I need some sex," I muttered, my eyes closed, and my head against Aragorn's arm.   
  
"I think that's your cue, Aragorn," Ian laughed, jabbing the Man in the ribs. Aragorn offered a grin, but I was too tired to make anything of it, nor did I see it, since my eyes were shut. I was still tired from being woken up so early. Us girls didn't go to bed until well after midnight. We were up quite late, gossiping, talking, and laughing.  
  
"What will Yolanda think of the Fellowship?" Kristin giggled. "I can't wait to see her face when she sees them. They *are* quite the interesting sight, you know."  
  
"Nah, Yoli's cool," Ian said, using his nickname for her. "She may be 50, but she's down with it."  
  
"If you say so," Kristin said. "I sure don't know any 50-year-old-women that wouldn't mind living with nine strange men who carry weapons."  
  
"You certainly don't know Yoli then," Ian said, rolling his eyes. "You'll see what I mean. She's not going to care."  
  
"Hey, look," Pippin said, smirking, "Lady De is asleep."  
  
"Aye, that she is," agreed Gimli.  
  
"Let's poke her," Kristin laughed.   
  
Oh, the joys of train rides.  
  
  
~*~*A/N: I hate school. Too...many...classes. Get all over that, Jess.*~*~ 


End file.
